The Signs and Side Effects of a Fragile Ego and How to Deal with Them

We all live with insecurities, and it’s normal to have them. However, what matters most is how you think about yourself despite having those self-defined shortcomings. Do you accept your flaws and strive to improve them? If you accept them and make room for improvement, you are likely to have high self-esteem and self-confidence. But if you live your life making decisions that help you seek external validation, you may be living with a fragile ego. This can negatively impact all aspects of your life. You may be overly insecure or feel unstable inside, which causes you to chase perfectionism to avoid critical eyes from others. If you resonate with these signs, you need to learn about a fragile ego and ways to address it.

What is the ego?

The Oxford dictionary defines ego as a person’s (good) opinion of themselves. Our ego is our conscious mind, the part of our identity that we perceive as our identity. It can be made up of our personal beliefs, thoughts, attitudes, and values. Someone who is overly inflated with pride or is full of themselves is said to have a big ego or a soft ego.

Difference between ego and fragile ego

To some extent, we all have an ego that serves to define our identity and set boundaries. It helps us maintain our sense of self-respect and self-worth. Depending on how strong your ego is, it will guide you in making decisions about how to respond in both your personal and professional life.

A weaker, unstable, insecure or defensive sense of self is called a fragile ego. Individuals with a fragile ego tend to be defensive, have low self-esteem, make poor decisions and may also be people who try to please others. In many aspects of life, they need validation from others. They may also be inconsistent and unable to solve problems, says the psychologist and psychotherapist My life is beautiful.

Because they do not adhere to their own morals and purpose in life, they are typically not very happy or content. By nature, they are extremely touchy. They also rely emotionally on other people. They even have weak boundaries, which makes it easy for others to take advantage of them. Because of their tendency to be indecisive and seeking validation, they are also prone to getting into harmful relationships. Despite this, they can project an inflated ego, which is just a superficial way of telling themselves that they are good enough. They are also often ruthless, tend to hold grudges, and have difficulty fitting in.

Individuals with these traits are also more susceptible to addiction, anxiety, and depression. They can also be naturally short-tempered, the expert explains.

Read also: Low Self-Esteem: 4 Signs You Need to Work on Yourself

What causes a fragile ego?

Here are some reasons behind the existence of the fragile ego:

1. Lack of love during childhood

If a person has not received love, compassion, affirmation, or attention during their formative years, they may grow up with a weak sense of self, the expert says. Anyone who has been marginalized or trivialized throughout their growth tends to develop a weaker sense of self, also known as a fragile ego.

2. Victims of abuse or trauma

Children who have been emotionally abused or neglected may also have a fragile ego. Some accidents or bad phases in life leave a deep scar inside us and make us weak. Anyone who has gone through dark chapters in life tends to develop a weaker self-esteem.

3. Difficult childhood circumstances

Much of the credit for how our personalities shape us is based on our childhood experiences. If a person’s childhood was challenging in any way, it becomes difficult for that person to develop a high sense of self-worth or confidence in later life. People who have experienced difficult childhood circumstances, whether psychological, emotional, financial, or physical, end up with fragile egos, the expert says.

4. Difficulty

Fragile egos can also emerge in people who are experiencing challenges in their lives, such as problems with their relationships, careers, physical health, or other mental health issues. People who may have gone through a bad heartbreak, have had difficulty developing a promising career, are going through serious medical conditions, or are struggling with mental health conditions such as depression or anxiety, tend to develop fragile egos that easily shatter their sense of self.

Signs of a Person with a Fragile Ego

You can spot a fragile ego if you notice these signs within yourself or anyone else around you. Some of the common signs of a fragile ego include:

1. Being in defensive mode

It’s normal to go into defensive mode when someone insults you or challenges you in a way that seems disrespectful. However, people who live with fragile egos tend to perceive even the most constructive criticism in a very personal way. Because of this, they feel offended or angry and may even overreact when they are the ones receiving criticism.

Read also: 7 Habits That Could Be Causing Your Low Self-Esteem

2. Desire for perfectionism

People with fragile egos are insecure about themselves and usually try to go above and beyond to achieve superior results, partly because criticism can trigger parts of them. They fear being judged or criticized, which leads them to do their best in everything. They push themselves to achieve their goals because they believe that if they fail, people will not appreciate them or criticize them.

3. Fear of failure

People with a fragile ego do not take criticism in a good light. They think that failing at something will ruin their good image in the eyes of others, causing others to judge their abilities and value. That is why they fear failure, because it makes them feel worthless.

4. Attention seeking behavior

As mentioned above, a fragile ego develops in some people because of bad childhood experiences, when they were trivialized by their parents or loved ones. This makes them crave attention in adulthood. They do their best to capture the attention of others, engaging in conversations or becoming part of those events that they care about the least.

5. Indecision

People with a fragile ego lack self-confidence and doubt their ability to make wise decisions, which leads to indecision. They keep postponing the decision even if the matter requires urgent attention. They double-check their decision with everyone else and have a fluctuating mind before finally making a decision.

6. Negative self-talk

Self-doubt is a major sign of a fragile ego. As a result, these people take themselves in a negative light, making light of things they can’t do, rather than mentioning their strengths and talents.

How to overcome it or deal with a fragile ego?

Living with a fragile ego causes that person to lack self-confidence or self-esteem. Fortunately, you can learn to overcome your inner insecurities that lead to a fragile ego and come out stronger and better. Here are some tips to overcome a fragile ego:

1. Let go

You need to get to the root of your fragile ego. Mostly, it stems from unresolved conflicts or negative emotions you have experienced in the past. To develop a stronger sense of self, you need to learn to let go of everything negative that has been a part of your life. Some chapters in life never give you clear closure, you need to learn to say goodbye to everything that has not served your highest good in order to move forward in life. Those with a weak ego need to improve their self-esteem. They should also learn to let go of their unresolved conflicts from the past and move on, the expert believes.

2. Capture your negative thought patterns

You clearly know when a negative thought pops into your head. Become more self-aware and learn how your mind works. The moment you catch yourself thinking negatively, change your perspective to something positive each time, until it becomes a habit. By addressing their negative thought patterns, they can learn to think more positively about other people, themselves, and circumstances, the expert suggests.

3. Work on your communication skills

People with a fragile ego tend to repress their emotions instead of expressing their true feelings due to fear of judgment. Such people should work on their ability to communicate their true feelings and intentions to others. They should also focus on improving their ability to communicate with others and convey their feelings and expectations.

4. Seek help when needed

With the assistance of a mental health professional, you can get to the bottom of the real cause of your fragile ego. An expert such as a psychotherapist can help you better understand how your mind works and deal with it in a more positive and logical way. Therapies such as cognitive behavioral therapy also work effectively in this situation.

5. Become self-aware

Self-awareness will allow individuals to recognize their own successes, skills, and abilities. They should set firm boundaries and focus on developing their sense of self-worth, respect, and compassion, the expert says.

To learn more about their strengths, limitations, and emotional needs, they can also undergo personality assessments with the assistance of a specialist. As a result, they will become more aware of their potential and values, enabling them to lead meaningful lives, the expert adds.