If you’ve heard about how playing with the “P-spot” or “prostate milking” can lead to explosive, super-hot sex, you might be curious about how to massage a prostate. (Or…you’re hoping to get a prostate massage yourself.) For first-timers, it might seem slightly intimidating, but I assure you: The benefits of prostate massage are vast, pleasure-wise. The prostate gland can feel hella good when stimulated, and stroking the perineum and venturing into the butt are two ways to make that magic happen.
Here’s what to know about the noble prostate massage—and the best, sexiest, safest ways to try it yourself.
Okay, exactly what and where is the prostate?
The prostate is a walnut-shaped gland nestled inside the pelvis. The prostatic fluid it releases helps produce semen, Mark Hong, MD, a urologist in Phoenix, tells SELF. (Meaning: Cisgender women don’t have prostates.) It’s located right below the bladder—the prostate ducts in the gland actually flow into the urethra, which is why prostate issues can affect urine flow, and urinary function more generally.
Does prostate massage come with any health benefits?
You might be familiar with the prostate because, as people get older (and especially if they also have certain health conditions like erectile dysfunction), it’s fairly common that they might have an enlarged prostate, or benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH). Those with BPH might find that they have a more frequent urge to pee, among other symptoms like painful ejaculation or other issues with sexual function, according to the NIH. Just in case: If you’re worried about prostate problems, which also include chronic prostatitis, a.k.a. inflammation of the prostate gland, and can be as serious as prostate cancer, see a doctor specializing in urology to address any concerns about prostate health. Despite the use of prostatic massage in clinical settings in decades past (and dubious claims you might see online), there actually aren’t proven health benefits of prostate massage therapy. Instead, you’ll need medical advice from a clinician who knows how to address what’s going on with your body and what the best current treatment options might be.
Why can prostate massages feel so amazing?
The anus and its surrounding area are packed with nerve endings, Dr. Hong explains. That’s precisely why anal play can feel so amazing, whether or not you have a prostate. The nerves in the P-spot (which is also sometimes called the “male G-spot when we’re talking about it as it relates to sex) are thought to make the area more sensitive, meaning stimulation of the prostate can boost sexual pleasure, either with a partner or during masturbation.
Are there any risks or side effects to prostate massages?
“The anal mucosa [i.e., lining of the anus] and the anus itself are very sensitive,” Dr. Hong explains. Although the anus is built to stretch to a certain extent, it doesn’t self-lubricate, so, if you don’t take precautions, anal stimulation can cause pain and tearing (which also leave you vulnerable to infection). This means that it’s super important for everyone involved to prepare for giving and receiving a prostate massage (more on that below). And if you have hemorrhoids or anal fissures, don’t get a prostate massage—it can irritate them even more.
How do you get ready to give a prostate massage?
When it comes to sexual health, there are two kinds of safety: physical and psychological. Psychological safety starts with permission, Dr. Hong explains. Prostate stimulation “is not something you surprise [your partner] with—it takes some preparation,” Lexx Brown-James, PhD, LMFT, tells SELF. That means talking through it before getting down to business. A simple, “You know, there’s something I’ve been really excited about trying…” can help start the conversation, Dr. Brown-James says.
If you and your partner both want to try it, you’ll also need to account for physical safety—which boils down to avoiding anal trauma. So it might be helpful to learn a few best practices before you talk to your partner. That way, you can discuss any concerns either of you might have.
The first step in safe prostate play is washing your hands with soap and water. As you probably know, keeping your hands clean is one way to avoid spreading germs on your hands to the eyes, nose, or mouth.